World's Fastest Pizza

It's not easy, when your pizza is so cheesy.

Head to Australia in the game critics are calling "Please stop emailing me!" Wage war on the suburbs using an armory of SUPERPOWERS and NOT-SO-SUPERPOWERS in your quest to rid the land of hunger and spread the joys of sexy pizza.

What SUPERPOWERS do you get?

A Personal Assistant Koala , Black Magic, A Cloned Flash Mob, a Time Machine and Bovine Growth Hormones, just to name a few. Nothing particularly weird.

How about DESTRUCTABLE ENVIRONMENTS and A BANGIN' SOUNDTRACK?

If the game didn't have those, this would all be a waste of your time. I wouldn't waste you time!

Can I make it rain in the game?

Geez, you just dont know when to quit, do you? OF COURSE YOU CAN MAKE IT RAIN.

Who do you play as?

Tortoiseman was born on planet Tortopia before being sent to Earth by his father, J-Dilla, just before the planet's destruction. On Earth, he was adopted by a bogan pizza chef and his wife. Also, he started to display baller superpowers, which he decided to use for the benefit of humanity. Using the awesomely fake name Cornelius Pretorius, he is a pizza boy for World’s Fastest Pizza, a Fremantle fast-food restaurant.

Is Channing Tatum in the game?

Sure.

Matthew McConaughey?

Why not.

But what about the...

HUSH, child. I know you have many questions, but all I can say is that the answers lie within this remarkable game!